


Spare My Heart The Pain

by twilightstarr



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Impersonation, Implied Swearing, Jealousy, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Nonsexual dubcon, Other, Self Insert, Spoilers, anxious kiran, book 2 chapter 12, singer kiran, there might also be something between kiran and azura it's ambiguous, white lies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-17 05:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16509992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightstarr/pseuds/twilightstarr
Summary: There has been talk of a possible traitor within the the order, and Alfonse has a suspect to discuss with Kiran.





	Spare My Heart The Pain

Kiran wasn’t too difficult to find. Their voice, harmonized with Azura’s and their guitar, led Alfonse to a campfire, where the two of them sang while watching over cooking food. It was just the two of them. In Muspell, fires were not actually the most popular spot to gather. It wasn’t as though anyone was cold, even in the evening. There was room for Kiran and Azura to be closer to it if they wanted to be, but they didn’t. 

The pair seemed far too content with their mellow Askran tune to notice his approach. Alfonse hadn’t exactly intended to be stealthy, but decided he might as well unobtrusively listen and observe. Maybe he'd be able to catch a clue that it was or wasn't really Kiran, which would be much easier than trying to covertly confirm it somehow in conversation before getting to the point. In case the theory he’d formed about the suspected traitor in the order was right, it was best to be careful. Said theory was exactly what he needed to arrange a discussion about. Well, that, and perhaps another thing that had been on his mind lately. 

He wasn't certain exactly what the two of them were now, since the night it had happened. 

 

_“Hey Al.”_

_He was surprised to see them approach and sit beside him. “Kiran, what are you doing out here this late? You should be asleep.”_

_“Well, so should you.”_

_“Fair point,” he admitted. “I was feeling a bit restless, and if I wasn't going to sleep, I thought I might as well take first watch so someone else could.”_

_“I was thinking the same thing.”_

_“More nightmares?” Alfonse asked._

_They hugged their knees to their chest. “Not exactly. It's just… everyone in the order seems so loyal. You don't really think any of them could be convinced to betray us?”_

_That was what had been bothering Alfonse as well. “I honestly don't know. I don't want to think so, but we have to stay on guard.”_

_“I never thought I'd feel unsafe around my friends.”_

_“Maybe you shouldn't have gotten attached to them.”_

_“Well, that isn't the most reassuring thing you could have said,” Kiran grumbled._

_“Alright, that was tactless of me. I apologize. I just don't want you to be hurt.”_

_“But what about you? You wouldn't want us to not be friends, would you?” Kiran asked._

_Alfonse sighed. “Kiran, please don't take offense to this, but I didn't intend for us to become as close as we have. Now that we have, it will harder to say farewell when the time comes.”_

_“But maybe we won’t have to. When this is all over, maybe Askr and Embla can make peace, and then it would be safe to leave the gate to my world open, so I could still visit,” Kiran suggested._

_“And what if that doesn't work?”_

_“Then maybe I could stay here.”_

_He almost gasped. “Kiran, I would never ask that of you.” He hadn't even considered it an option._

_“I know, but I understand. I want to be with you forever too.”_

_They squeezed his hand, and it was too much. He couldn't think of a reply._

_“Alfonse?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I don't think it does any good to hold anything back at this point. It's too late to stop what we feel now, right?”_

_“I suppose.”_

_“Then we might as well live in the moment, and not in some far off day.”_

_Where was Kiran going with this? “But I didn't think you were holding anything back?”_

_“I… I have been.”_

_“And what might that be, if I may ask?” He was quite possibly setting himself up for disappointment, but Alfonse was too curious not to ask._

_“You really want to know?”_

_No, he should have said--it would either be the answer he hoped for, or not, and either way he was doomed. “Yes.”_

_The hand on his moved up to his cheek as Kiran leaned closer, and Alfonse was frozen, heart racing, torn between pulling away and diving in. He didn't make up his mind before Kiran reached him, but when they did, he gave in--all the way in--closing his eyes and pulling them closer._

 

They finished the song, and then Azura looked in his direction. “Well, Kiran, it looks like we have an audience.” 

“Oh, hey Al,” they greeted. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come over here. Did you need something?” 

He came closer to sit with them. “Not immediately. I’d hate to make you stop. The two of you sound beautiful, as always.” 

“Thank you,” said Azura, politely, with the ease of someone who was accustomed to the compliment and not strongly affected by it.

“Um…” Kiran, on the other hand, stammered and looked away. “Thanks.” 

“Well then, what should we sing next?” Azura wondered. 

“I don’t know. Got a request?” Kiran asked with a glance toward Alfonse. 

“The one about the magic place, with the elven lyrics.” The one that had been in his head all day--he wasn’t quite sure what the title was. 

“Elven?” asked Azura. 

“Oh, it’s from my world, but we should think of something we both know.” 

“Oh, no, it’s alright. I’d love to hear a song from your world… unless you’re too shy for a solo?” she teased, surely aware how unlikely it was. 

If Azura hadn’t already learned it, then there was no way anyone else could have. 

Azura may have been the one to teach Kiran how to turn their voice into magic, but for practical purposes, they sang everyone’s songs but their own, collecting them from anyone in the order willing to share a piece of their culture. Kiran thought it was best that way, that including everyone’s worlds of music would allow them to connect with the whole army and symbolically unite them. Kiran didn’t seem to think there was any value in including their own world, though. 

Alfonse though--he’d been by Kiran’s side since the start. Anna was not the best with emotions, and Sharena hadn’t yet learned how to tone down her extroverted energy, which had left him with the task of gently supporting an anxious summoner of a very different world through a great deal of shock and disorientation. He’d done the job perhaps too well, for Kiran still came to him when in need, which made it quite difficult not to grow attached and open up in return, and yet he could never bring himself to resist them. Whenever Kiran trembled under the pressure of everything, and their hand clutched Alfonse’s, they fell back to the familiar songs of their homeland for comfort, and he always listened, willing the lyrics and melodies to ingrain themselves into his memory. One day they’d be all he had left. 

This one, especially, Alfonse was sure would be stuck with him for eternity. Some of it was in a language he didn’t know and which only existed in Kiran’s world, but he could understand enough. 

“Come my love, our worlds would part. The gods will guide us across the dark. Come with me and be mine my love. Stay and break my heart.” 

The next day after the kiss, it almost felt like it hadn’t been real. Kiran seemed to appreciate his presence as usual, but was a bit too comfortable with it. There was no euphoria on their end. They’d even asked him once, apparently having no idea, if he was nervous about something. It was like nothing had changed. Alfonse had begun to wonder if he’d dreamed it. 

“Sha ta co ti oh, scum ne rivne.”

And then he’d begun to wonder if it hadn’t really been Kiran, which was what had led to his current theory. Kiran wouldn’t wouldn’t play with his heart like this--at least not intentionally. 

“Far away from the land you knew, the dawn of day reaches out to you. Though it feels like a fairy tail, all of this is true.” 

As far as maintaining the armies’ unity, Loki turning out to be the traitor, rather than someone they’d truly known and trusted, would be ideal, but still, part of Alfonse couldn’t help but hope that he was wrong. Maybe everything had been real, and there had just been some kind of miscommunication between then and now. Maybe Kiran was simply less overwhelmed with their feelings than he was with his. Maybe he was reading too deep into something that could be resolved if they just talked. 

“Sha ta co ti oh nugga tir na nog.”

Halfway through, Alfonse felt a bit guilty for requesting this song in particular. It was a scheme on two levels--a test of identity, and something else. 

“Time won’t follow the path we came. The world you left, it forgot your name. Stay with me, and be mine, my love. Spare my heart the pain.” 

Indirect begging.

For a second, Alfonse thought he heard something there, but it was hard to tell if the brief, softer, sadder tone was anything more than staged. Perhaps not--their usual singing smile returned for the final chorus. 

There was a moment of transfixed silence, and then Azura was the first to speak. “That’s a lovely song. I can see why Prince Alfonse chose it. Do you think you could teach it to me sometime?” 

“Oh, well, I guess if you want me to.”

Something suddenly felt uncomfortable, like he needed to get away from the two of them and their bashful gazes and mutual admiration for their mutual talent. “Well, Kiran, I’ll talk to you after dinner about… plans?” 

“Okay, and until then you could stay and sing with us?” they suggested. The hopeful look was tempting, but didn’t quite overpower the urge to escape. He’d just get in their way anyway. 

“I… should be doing other things.” 

“Alright.” 

As Alfonse left, he heard behind him, a little too loudly, as though Kiran wanted him to overhear, “He sounds better than he thinks he does.” 

 

A little while later, they met privately in Alfonse’s tent. He’d spotted Ylgr eating with her siblings on their way here, so analyzing Kiran all over again seemed unnecessary. 

“You remember when we met Ylgr, and it was like she recognized you?” 

“Yes. I know it looked odd, but… you’re not suggesting it’s her are you? I don't see why she would possibly choose to help the people who invaded her country and captured her.” 

“Neither do I,” Alfonse agreed. “I think she may actually be Loki in disguise.” 

“Oh. Loki could do that, and that would have been an opportunity… and I think the timing lines up,” Kiran realized. “Maybe you're right. I hope you are. If it's her, then I won't have to feel… conflicted. I can get a few thieves or ninjas to keep an eye on her.” 

“But what if… the odds are low, but she's capable of looking like anyone.” 

“You're right. That's a possibility we should account for. So we need to find Ylgr ourselves first, and then one of us could keep her engaged to make sure she doesn’t shift while the other goes to gather the stealth team,” they thought aloud. “You should probably do part A.” 

“Me?” Alfonse asked. 

“Yes. I probably can't pull it off. I'd get too nervous.” 

“I don’t go up to people just because I want to make friends. I'm afraid it would look out of character and possibly alert her.” 

“But…” they stammered, breath rate increasing. 

“Kiran.” Alfonse put his hands on their shoulders. “You can do this.” 

“How do you know that? What if I mess it up?”

“Because I've seen you do many things you think you can't do.” 

“But I'm not good at… leading conversations.” 

“Then you could invite her to play a game. She’ll probably say yes, and then you won't have to worry too much about finding subjects, and you could invite some others as well. You’ll be safe that way. It's alright if you're nervous at first. It's fairly normal for you to be a bit shy approaching someone. I promise I’ll be as quick as possible,” Alfonse asaured. 

“Yeah,” they nodded, a bit calmer. “I guess I could probably do that, and if I get someone who’s more extroverted, like--” 

“Sharena,” they said in unison. 

“I’ll barely have to say a word,” Kiran chuckled. 

“There you go.” Kiran was pretty good at thinking when they were either relaxed, or in a crisis with no time to overthink. It was only when they had little enough time to be rushed, but plenty enough to fear the things that could potentially go wrong that they could get stuck and need a little help over a mental block. 

Then they hugged him, and then Alfonse was one the one feeling short of breath, even though it wasn’t that tight. “Hey Al, thanks, for always being here for me.”

“Oh, um… it’s nothing.”

“It’s everything. I don’t know if I could have thought of this without you. I’d be a mess without you in general, really.” 

“And yet I and the rest of the order couldn’t have made it this far without you.” 

“Well, that’s just because I happen to be the only one who can bring you all here,” Kiran argued.

His hold tightened at that. Alfonse couldn’t let them go on thinking that way. “No, Kiran, it's more than just that. It’s clear that you care about everyone, and you strengthen our morale. Somehow I always feel stronger when you're with me, whether or not you’re channeling magic in your voice. Of anyone Breidablik might have chosen, I’m glad it was you, because I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.” 

“But all I do is lean on you.” 

It was almost funny how he felt the same way. “No more than I lean on you.” 

“Really?”

“Truly.” 

“Aww, Alfonse.” Kiran pulled back and smiled at him. “I needed that. Thank you.” 

“It is I who should thank you. You weren’t a soldier or leader. You weren’t prepared for this. You owed us nothing, and yet you’re here, fighting for a world you have no ties to.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t say there’s nothing tying me here.” There was a look in their eyes, the kind of look that made him think that surely it must have been real. “You’re doing it again,” Kiran suddenly accused. 

“Doing what?”

“Whenever I try to appreciate you, you always find a way to turn it around on me.” 

“I do not.” 

“I'm only going to accept your encouragement if you accept mine,” Kiran threatened. 

“Alright... Thank you,” Aflonse gave in, and he couldn't help smiling. He wanted to kiss them again. “Kiran, do you remember the conversation we had a couple nights ago?” 

“Um… about what?” 

“About…?” He gazed, pleading them to understand what he couldn’t put into words. When that didn't work, he gave up, finally accepting his hunch as reality. “Nevermind. I'm certain you'd remember.” 

“What's wrong? Did I do something that hurt you?” 

“It wasn't you.” 

How had she known? What had he done to give it away? Could everyone else tell as well? Could Kiran tell? No, Kiran clearly couldn't.

Azura could. She’d caught the hint Kiran hadn’t. He’d known it when she’d said his name. 

“You think Loki said something to you as me?” 

“I'm certain of it now.” 

A hand clasped his, tense, but not quite painfully tight--protective. Kiran made a face much like the one they made when anyone dared criticize his choices or behaviors as a prince--the face that promised they'd stand by Alfonse against anything. _“What did she do?”_

“Um…” If it were anything else, he would have surrendered to Kiran’s fierce affection and confessed his troubles, as he already had more times than he would admit, but this time, he pulled away. “It's fine. I'm fine.” 

“I'm sorry.” The power in the voice softened as quickly as it had flared. 

He'd been trying to build up Kiran’s morale a minute ago, and now Alfonse realized he was going to undo it all by pushing them away. “None of this is your fault. It's just… a bit unsettling to realize I wasn't talking to you, but at least now I know for certain it wasn't real.” He turned back to Kiran and forced a smile. He let them hug him again, briefly, enough to relight Kiran’s fire. 

“You know I would _never_ want to hurt you, right?” 

“Yes, I know. That's why I became suspicious. I'll be alright now.”

“Good.” He was able to convince Kiran, but rather than being relieved they were satisfied, he felt guilty, as he failed to convince himself. He was doing it for their sake, but he’d never lied to them before. 

“Well, we agree now that it's definitely Loki?” 

“Yes, but we should still confirm that it's Ylgr she's posing as, you know, before we start a fight.” 

“Right. Let's get started then.” 

“Alfonse…” Kiran hesitated. 

“Yes?” 

“Nothing. Let’s go.” 

He let Kiran lead the way, already casually humming something angry and profane about lies and disguises, allowing him a second to falter behind their back before recomposing himself. Alfonse didn’t have time to fall apart over this yet. He’d promised to do his part quickly.

He could cry afterwards.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd never want to hurt him, I say as I write this. 
> 
> The lyrics are from Tir Na Nog by Celtic Woman and Oonagh--really hit me in the Alfonse feels. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5n-TCXczvo
> 
> It's left vague, but I was thinking of You're Gonna Go Far Kid by The Offspring while describing the second song. (Mature language warning) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTbB703XZFM


End file.
